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Revisions to Our Relational Commitments

Proposal Context FAQ Upcoming Vote 

Proposal

On April 28, 2019, at the All-Church Quarterly Strategy Meeting, elders presented a Proposal to Revise the Relational Commitments (PDF) regarding the section “Commitment to Preserving Marriages.”

Context and Details

Pastor Jason preached several sermons Fall 2018 related to marriage, divorce, and remarriage (August 25/26, September 1/2, September 16, September 30, and October 7). At the October 2018 Quarterly Strategy Meeting and December 2018 Annual Meeting, the elders presented a motion to make changes to the Commitment to Preserving Marriages section of the Relational Commitments. After extended discussion, the members voted to postpone the motion indefinitely.

After additional reflection and deliberations over the course of several meetings, the elders voted on April 9, 2019, to present a new motion to revise the Commitment to Preserving Marriages section of the Relational Commitments.

We believe that this proposal accomplishes the following:

  1. It makes this section of the Relational Commitments more functional and accessible as a governing document and as a shepherding document.
  2. It revises and streamlines the guidelines regarding divorce and remarriage from 9 to 6 guidelines. It eliminates redundancy, improves clarity and readability, and conforms this section to the style and length of the other relational commitments (from 1,600 words to ~1,100 words).
  3. It also addresses specific concerns and questions that members raised about the previous proposal:
    • Provides additional explanation about Guideline 3 (covenant-breaking sexual immorality and abandonment);
    • Leaves unchanged the guideline restricting persons remarried after divorce from serving in elder and deacon roles;
    • Eliminates the guideline focused on Deuteronomy 24 that many felt was unclear, unnecessary, or biblically unwarranted;
    • Clarifies or eliminates ambiguous uses of the word reconcile;
    • Refers more explicitly to marriage as a covenant;
    • States more accurately the positions of BBC elders.

You may also review details of the Proposal for the Revisions to the Relational Commitments (PDF), which outlines the changes and shows strikethroughs and new text highlighted.

The elders are planning additional Q&As on divorce and
remarriage at each campus ...

  Sunday, June 9, 1–2:30pm
  Wednesday, July 3, 6:30–8pm

  Wednesday, May 29, 7–9pm
  Sunday, June 23, 9am & 11am

  Sunday, June 2, 9–10am
  Wednesday, June 5, 7–8pm

FAQ

What are the Relational Commitments?

The Relational Commitments are designed to promote God-honoring authentic relationships among Bethlehem church members and to protect and preserve our community of faith. They address important relational issues, such as peacemaking and reconciliation, marriage and divorce, protecting children from abuse, counseling and confidentiality, and mutual accountability. The church adopted these Commitments in July 2008 and amended them in October 2009. The Church Covenant and By-Laws refer to these Relational Commitments.

Why are the elders proposing changes to the Relational Commitments?

For many years, the elders have held different positions concerning what the Bible teaches about the legitimate grounds for divorce and remarriage. Over the past two years, the elders have spent considerable time studying and discussing the Bible’s teaching on divorce and remarriage to pursue greater clarity and unity on these matters. At the April 9, 2019, All Elder Meeting, the elders approved recommended changes to the “Commitment to Preserving Marriages.” The elders presented a written motion of these changes at the April 28, 2019, Quarterly Strategy Meeting, and the congregation will vote on these changes at the July 28 Quarterly Strategy Meeting. The elders intend these proposed changes to make this section more aligned with biblical teaching and more functional and accessible as a governing document and as a shepherding document.

What are the key proposed changes?

The proposed changes would streamline the guidelines regarding divorce and remarriage from nine guidelines to six, improve clarity and readability, and conform this section to the style and length of the other Relational Commitments (from 1,600 words to ~1,100 words). The key changes include (1) more accurately stating the different positions historically and currently held by Bethlehem elders, and (2) revising guideline #3, which presents biblical grounds for divorce. This proposed revision includes specific changes and clarifications in response to questions and feedback from Bethlehem members at recent congregational meetings.

What does “abandoning the other spouse” mean in the proposed guideline #3?

As stated in the proposed revision, covenant-breaking abandonment here refers to deserting, actively harming, or endangering one’s spouse. The primary biblical basis for permitting divorce on the basis of “abandonment” or “desertion” is 1 Corinthians 7:15 (“But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so…”). In his September 16 sermon “Divorce and Remarriage,” Pastor Jason Meyer argued that we should read 1 Corinthians 7 against the backdrop of Exodus 21:10–11, which protects the marital rights and physical needs of a vulnerable spouse. Abandonment is covenant-breaking behavior that directly and decisively attacks the essence of the marriage union. Abandonment includes spatial or physical separation where one spouse deserts the other. It also may include some abusive marriage conditions where one spouse is actively harming or endangering the other. As in matters of church discipline, determining whether one spouse has broken the marriage covenant by abandoning the other spouse requires wisdom and care.

1 Corinthians 7:15 states that a believer abandoned by an unbeliever is free to “let it be so.” This raises the question of what we do with professing believers that abandon their spouses. While this requires care, wisdom, and time, the Bible teaches us that “if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8). Therefore, a professing believer that abandons their spouse would need to be pursued with loving church discipline that would call into question a genuine profession of faith as it pleads for repentance.

Why does this proposal retain the guideline that restricts persons who have been remarried after divorce from serving as elders or deacons?

The Relational Commitments include the following guideline: “Persons remarried after divorce will forego positions of official leadership at Bethlehem called elder/pastor and deacon [1 Tim. 3:2, 12]).” The elders previously recommended removing this guideline because (1) it does not reflect the interpretation of “the husband of one wife” that the majority of elders hold, and (2) the Relational Commitments focus on relational issues between church members, not qualifications for church leaders, which are covered elsewhere in the By-Laws. However, in response to questions and feedback from Bethlehem members, the elders would like to devote more time to considering and teaching on these matters before recommending this change to the church’s governing documents.

Where do I go to understand more about the biblical teaching on marriage and divorce and the proposed changes?

Pastor Jason Meyer preached a five-part sermon series in Fall 2018 that expounds key biblical texts and discusses the proposed changes. These sermons are available on the church website:

The elders recommend the following resources for further study on marriage, divorce, and remarriage:

Upcoming Vote

The congregation will vote on this at the All-Church Quarterly Strategy Meeting on July 28, 2019.

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